There are things in life that are just true. They’re always going to be true.
When it comes to adoption and foster care, there are some things that are unwavering:
-The process, though it may seem convoluted sometimes, is pretty concrete. You can’t usually get around it.
-How we should treat each person involved in our journey is universal. Truth, kindness, respect and wisdom are some words that come to mind. (More thoughts in my next post)
-Then there is the importance of meeting our kids’ needs. Showing them love the way they can recieve it. Helping them realize they are valued, loved and a part of the family. This takes preparation, energy, time, thinking and DOING.
SO, if these are “given”, what’s left to talk about? It’s the specifics. Sometimes we wear others experiences like hand-me-downs. I did. I assumed the stories of people I respect who went before me would be MY stories. That I would be able to take a shortcut in our journey because I already “knew” so much. Didn’t happen for me. Probably won’t happen for you.
Gleaning from others is SO helpful. It would actually be foolish to ignore. Take their TOOLS, but not their personal solutions. Why? Because we’re all different. Children are DIFFERENT. Families are DIFFERENT. Adoptions are DIFFERENT. Large countries down to small counties. All different. Can’t build anything without tools…at least nothing that will withstand the impending tests. But we all build our own individual houses.
Let me give a personal example. I have a friend of a friend (already see where this is going?) Who was looked down upon and threatened by their local Children and Family Services Department for their faith and decision to homeschool. Fostering was stressful for them because of the bias of their local social workers. Is that right? No! Should we speak out and support a good, quality foster family with these convictions? Of course. But do we put that on as personal baggage. My goodness, no! That only leads to fear, knee jerk reactions and assumptions…All of which are horrible ways to enter the foster care and adoption world. It also diminishes my trust in the sovereignty and wisdom of God. Let me tell youmy personal experience. I was open about our choice to homeschool. Open about our church life. Answered questions when asked…not out of fear but out of confident humility (can that be a thing?) Guess what. Not only did they respect – maybe not agree – but respect our choice, they also gave me permission to homeschool our foster daughter if our adoption was not yet finalized. That’s what I encountered. Kindness. Respect. I was open, they responded by trusting our decision for our family.
Will that be your story? Maybe not. Yours may be more simple … or more complex. But we can all use the same tools to guide us along. Spend tons of time learning those things at the beginning (Read books, talk to experts and friends) so they’re ready to use at a moments notice when the pressure of your own story is on!!
Did you take a different road to adoption? I would love to hear what stories you held loosely but what tools you held close.
The Adoption Cottage 