We’ve been foster parents for going on 5 years. As soon as our adoption is finalized in the next couple months, we’ll be closing our home. It feels like our home study was a lifetime ago.
I’ve spoken with friends who have adopted internationally who feel as though the mountains of paperwork and waiting are now a small, distant memory years later.
Memory is an interesting thing, isn’t it? There are some memories that I feel are important to let fade in the adoption process. This frees the mental room for new challenges and victories and adapting and learning. It’s not beneficial to keep those early emotions fresh or stressful. It doesn’t make sense. That season is done. It bore it’s fruit. Served it’s purpose.
But I’ve learned something about memory when it comes to loving others beginning “the process”. I fear I have unwittingly cast off the deepness and reality of those times when discussing them with others at the beginning of their adoptions. If you’re a veteran adoptive parent, have you found yourself saying “Been there, done that” to those just starting out? Or, “Just wait until the REAL stuff starts”.
THIS is when we need those long memories. As an adoption and foster community we need to be an encouragement to everyone joining the ranks. Why would anyone come to us for support later if we can’t take the time to empathize with them …or if we make little of intense beginnings.
WE can remember. Remember the hopes of that child that were so deep and desperate it hurt? Remember all those appointments? Remember the intrusive feeling of a home study? That paperwork we felt was so extensive our wrists would stop working? Feeling an entire government agency was the humongous barrier between you and your beloved son or daughter? Remember the intensity of those days?
Were they the longest days compared to a lifetime parenting our new child? Of course not!! But did the process consume our lives and thoughts at that time? Of course!! Remember that?
There will be moments that present themselves when we can drop seeds of preperation for the road ahead. Questions will be asked. Wisdom will be sought. There’s plenty of time for education and support in the future. If any type of reputable agency involved, that’s already happening anyway. Opportunities to speak about what life will be like when a hoped-for child comes home should be taken wisely and lovingly with the full weight of empathy behind it.
Lets love each other well. Bring those distant memories back to the surface so our empathy can be rich and truthful. This community of people caring for the fatherless is a relatively small one so let’s make it a supportive one.
We can all benefit from both the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before and the passion and hunger of those starting out.
The Adoption Cottage 